Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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