I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize