Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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