the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
