It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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