if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
