you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
