90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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