I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
