is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
