this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
