Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am naked and annoyed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
