don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
