Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
