Cold hands, warm shart.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
