i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
