I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
