I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
