It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
