Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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