Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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