I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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