Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
