I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
