STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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