i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
