It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
