i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
