Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize