I cockslap morals
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
40s are totally the cure
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
