I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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