Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
