She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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