Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize