I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
