problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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