I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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