a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
