Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
