Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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