Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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