I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
