All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
