Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
