I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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