at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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