i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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