Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
