I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
