Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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