There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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