i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
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I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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