You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
