Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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