he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
