i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
