God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
