it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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