It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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