You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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