i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize