This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
